"Don't tell me that that when you're talking to me on the phone and doing email that you're paying attention," he said. "Be here now."
Black thought it all sounded very Zen Buddhist, but really, how crazy is it for anyone to try to text and drive?
"You're actually in two different universes at the same time," he said. And that, to Black, is impossible (not to mention illegal in West Virginia).
Multitasking, he said, is just something everyone has convinced themselves they need to do, including the people running the country.
"Congress can't focus," he said. "It's jobs then guns then immigration then back to guns and now immigration. You need to stay on topic and just finish it, then move on."
The solution, of course, is medication.
"But we're running low on A.D.D. drugs," he said.
Black said all the A.D.D. drugs are being wasted on school kids, who really don't have a lot to do compared to adults.
"Give me the drugs," he said. "I've got stuff to do."
Black divides his time between California, New York City and Chapel Hill, N.C., where he keeps an apartment.
"It's where I go to write," he said. "It's also the last place I remember actually doing any work."
New York and North Carolina are very different places. Both are home, but he really doesn't do much comedy about living in Chapel Hill.
"If I wanted to, I could," he said. "There's constant material. They're crazy. It's a weird state."
For example, he said someone had submitted a bill to the state legislature to make Christianity the state religion of North Carolina.
Black thought it was baffling.
"Really, guys?" He said. "Did you read the Constitution?"
But just because he's not doing comedy in Chapel Hill, Black said it doesn't mean he's a different person than when he's in New York.
"No, I'm the same a--hole," he said.
Reach Bill Lynch at ly...@wvgazette.com or 304-348-5195.