You may be surprised at how much you will miss your mother. But that's a good thing. Mothers are irreplaceable.
A poem quote (author unknown): "To the wounded heart -- when I die and when you need me -- put your arms around anyone, and give them what you need to give me. Love doesn't die, people do. So when all that's left of me is love, give me away."
Your mother worked her entire life to raise you and to ensure you were taken care of. She instilled in you her strength and wisdom. If one had to assess her life through you, they'd say she accomplished the ultimate feat.
Rest assuredly in the knowledge that your mother's love for you will never, never, never die.
Keep the good memories on top.
I've also become more aware of these instances in other people's lives, as Dr. Mary Ann Mann, of Lewisburg, pointed out to me. While some of you may find it depressing to read obituaries, I find myself spending more time with them. It began as an exercise to keep myself informed, although sometimes that's even difficult because the names of the deceased don't always match up with the names of people I know. So, even with good intentions, some things fall through the cracks.
Then I found myself fascinated with the life stories I read about. Even if I don't know the person or the family, I'm intrigued by the amazing tributes. Of course, I realize people are painted in their best lights during obituaries and funerals. More and more, though, I'm seeing vulnerabilities creep into written tributes and funeral services. I love the ones that expose the person's foibles in a humorous way. After all, they were human!
Apparently, this is more common that I knew. At a recent dinner in Morgantown with Dr. George Esper and professor April Johnston, of the P.I. Reed School of Journalism, we were discussing the passion many writers feel while crafting obituaries. While it may appear to be a mundane task, writers often feel a deep sense of meaning for the difference they're making in people's lives.
I concluded last year's column on this topic with a sentence that still resonates with me as I yearn to keep my heart space open: While I'm grateful for the healing that time brings, I also want to savor the awareness that is so raw -- yet so enriching -- right now.
And, turning back to the ThanksLiving theme, it's amazing what a difference one letter in a word makes. Unlike other traditions, the season of ThanksLiving has no beginning and no end. No retail displays in September and no clearance sales in January.
Which makes it both a blessing -- and a challenge.
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and chairwoman/CEO of The Arnold Agency, a marketing communications firm specializing in advertising, public relations, government relations and interactive marketing. Reader comments may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livelifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays, only to be surpassed by New Year's Day -- the ultimate new beginning (but that's another column!).
My family, friends and co-workers have been known to secretly (or not so secretly) groan when I've pulled out the traditional decorations and "The First Thanksgiving" story -- and encouraged each of us to read a stanza while passing around the pilgrim hat to wear. One can never get too much of Miles Standish, Priscilla Alden and Squanto!
I've always taken it in stride, though. It's like charades -- everybody rolls their eyes when it's mentioned, yet they really get into it once the clues are being given -- and people start acting out their parts. Hidden talents and pockets of creativity come out that you never knew were there. Right, Book Club?
Rather than focusing on one day a year for giving thanks, which often gets blended with football and naps, I've started to reframe the holiday as ThanksLiving. It's really a way of life, rather than an observance of a single day.
Now this time frame holds even more significance for me. This year it will mark the one-year anniversary of my mother's passing -- the "November to Remember," as my family calls it. We all practically lived together as our mother (and grandmother) hung on from a heart attack suffered on Nov. 4, followed by kidney complications, a hospital stay and Hubbard Hospice House residency -- till Nov. 20, when she made her transition.
Now that the calendar has rolled around again, I've found myself with flashbacks of that flurry of activity and the months of reflection that followed. I so appreciated the cathartic experience of writing about this in my column last year.
And I want to take a moment to again express my gratitude to all of you who have listened, written a note, sent an e-mail, sent flowers and food, visited, called or just sent some mental energy to me. You'll never know how much this has meant to me -- and the comfort I've derived from your intentions. I've kept every tribute, and they're among my special treasures and prized possessions.
While I've certainly had my phases of extreme grief, I've also found a peace in "feeling my mom all around me." This has actually felt very warm and comforting, and I find myself still communicating with her, only in a different way. As I reread some of the notes I received, I've found many of you have experienced the same thing, and others may be going through it right now:
You'll never forget. You'll always know you honor her every day in how you live and by who you are.I inhale my mother daily -- her thoughts, her strength, her attitude, her convictions.In a situation where there is little to feel good about, I'm so relieved your mother had you and your family with her. You'll never know what a blessing that is for all of you.(Note: Now I know.)
You may be surprised at how much you will miss your mother. But that's a good thing. Mothers are irreplaceable.A poem quote (author unknown): "To the wounded heart -- when I die and when you need me -- put your arms around anyone, and give them what you need to give me. Love doesn't die, people do. So when all that's left of me is love, give me away."Your mother worked her entire life to raise you and to ensure you were taken care of. She instilled in you her strength and wisdom. If one had to assess her life through you, they'd say she accomplished the ultimate feat.Rest assuredly in the knowledge that your mother's love for you will never, never, never die.Keep the good memories on top.I've also become more aware of these instances in other people's lives, as Dr. Mary Ann Mann, of Lewisburg, pointed out to me. While some of you may find it depressing to read obituaries, I find myself spending more time with them. It began as an exercise to keep myself informed, although sometimes that's even difficult because the names of the deceased don't always match up with the names of people I know. So, even with good intentions, some things fall through the cracks.
Then I found myself fascinated with the life stories I read about. Even if I don't know the person or the family, I'm intrigued by the amazing tributes. Of course, I realize people are painted in their best lights during obituaries and funerals. More and more, though, I'm seeing vulnerabilities creep into written tributes and funeral services. I love the ones that expose the person's foibles in a humorous way. After all, they were human!
Apparently, this is more common that I knew. At a recent dinner in Morgantown with Dr. George Esper and professor April Johnston, of the P.I. Reed School of Journalism, we were discussing the passion many writers feel while crafting obituaries. While it may appear to be a mundane task, writers often feel a deep sense of meaning for the difference they're making in people's lives.
I concluded last year's column on this topic with a sentence that still resonates with me as I yearn to keep my heart space open: While I'm grateful for the healing that time brings, I also want to savor the awareness that is so raw -- yet so enriching -- right now.
And, turning back to the ThanksLiving theme, it's amazing what a difference one letter in a word makes. Unlike other traditions, the season of ThanksLiving has no beginning and no end. No retail displays in September and no clearance sales in January.
Which makes it both a blessing -- and a challenge.
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and chairwoman/CEO of The Arnold Agency, a marketing communications firm specializing in advertising, public relations, government relations and interactive marketing. Reader comments may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livelifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
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