Black-and-white thinking: You think of things in extremes -- either you're perfect or you're a total failure. Example: You're on a diet, and you consume an entire dessert when you'd intended to eat just one bite. So, you say, "I've blown it." You feel like a failure (again) and ask, "What's the use?"
Emotional reasoning: You decide how things "really" are on the basis of how you feel. Example: You're worried about giving a presentation, and here comes the inner critic: "I'm so nervous. I know I'll blow it, and we won't get the business."
Labeling: You attach negative labels to yourself and call yourself names. Example: You miss an appointment by accident. Instead of thinking, "I made a mistake," you say to yourself, "How could I forget something that important? I'm so stupid!"
"Should" statements: You're constantly telling yourself "I should do this" and "I shouldn't do that." Example: As a working mom you say to yourself, "I should be more involved in my kids' activities" or "I should work harder to prove myself at the office." As a result, you don't measure up in either camp. Here's a tip: Don't "should" on yourself.
Overgeneralizing: You make a conclusion about something on the basis of one or two things. Example: You have a misunderstanding with one of your co-workers, and you worry the whole office is against you. "No wonder I can never get ahead. Nobody likes me."
Catastrophizing: You exaggerate the likelihood that something bad will happen. Example: "If I drive in the snow, I'll probably have an accident, and I can't afford any more car repair bills. I might even get hurt, and I sure can't afford any more medical bills!"
If you see yourself in any of these examples, you're not alone. We all fall into patterns like these from time to time. Take a step back and put things into perspective. Things are not always going to work out like you planned. Not everything is on your time schedule, and that's OK. Put on the brakes and stop your mind from running away with you!
As author Carlos Castanada said, "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and chairwoman/CEO of The Arnold Agency, a marketing communications company that specializes in advertising, public relations, government relations and interactive marketing. Reader comments may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livelifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- When things don't happen how or when you think they should, does your mind start racing? Do you jump to conclusions?
I find, all too often, we make ourselves miserable for two major reasons:
1. We make assumptions.
2. We take things personally.
This sounds so simple. Yet, if you'll check yourself when your mind starts to run away with you, you may be surprised how many things fall into these two categories. Take a look at this list of "thinking mistakes" and see if any strike a chord with you:
"Yes, but" thinking: You ignore the positives in your life and focus only on the negatives. Example: A friend says you look nice in your new outfit, and you say to yourself, "She's just saying that to be nice. She can probably tell I've gained 10 pounds."
Mind reading: You act like you're able to tell what other people are thinking without checking with them first. Example: A business associate doesn't return your call, and you say to yourself, "Why doesn't he like me anymore? What did I do?"
Telling the future: You act as if you can predict the future -- and know something will turn out badly. Example: You see a job listing and want to apply, but tell yourself, "I'll never get it. There's too much competition." So you don't even try.
Black-and-white thinking: You think of things in extremes -- either you're perfect or you're a total failure. Example: You're on a diet, and you consume an entire dessert when you'd intended to eat just one bite. So, you say, "I've blown it." You feel like a failure (again) and ask, "What's the use?"
Emotional reasoning: You decide how things "really" are on the basis of how you feel. Example: You're worried about giving a presentation, and here comes the inner critic: "I'm so nervous. I know I'll blow it, and we won't get the business."
Labeling: You attach negative labels to yourself and call yourself names. Example: You miss an appointment by accident. Instead of thinking, "I made a mistake," you say to yourself, "How could I forget something that important? I'm so stupid!"
"Should" statements: You're constantly telling yourself "I should do this" and "I shouldn't do that." Example: As a working mom you say to yourself, "I should be more involved in my kids' activities" or "I should work harder to prove myself at the office." As a result, you don't measure up in either camp. Here's a tip: Don't "should" on yourself.
Overgeneralizing: You make a conclusion about something on the basis of one or two things. Example: You have a misunderstanding with one of your co-workers, and you worry the whole office is against you. "No wonder I can never get ahead. Nobody likes me."
Catastrophizing: You exaggerate the likelihood that something bad will happen. Example: "If I drive in the snow, I'll probably have an accident, and I can't afford any more car repair bills. I might even get hurt, and I sure can't afford any more medical bills!"
If you see yourself in any of these examples, you're not alone. We all fall into patterns like these from time to time. Take a step back and put things into perspective. Things are not always going to work out like you planned. Not everything is on your time schedule, and that's OK. Put on the brakes and stop your mind from running away with you!
As author Carlos Castanada said, "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and chairwoman/CEO of The Arnold Agency, a marketing communications company that specializes in advertising, public relations, government relations and interactive marketing. Reader comments may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livelifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
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