Feeling completely out of control with the volume of mess is normal on Christmas. It's part of the fun! I will just relax and enjoy it this time while counting my blessings. I'm not a martyr.
Now I know you don't like stores, so all year long you just let me get what I want. Therefore, every day is Christmas!
I would never want you to take TIME AWAY FROM YOURSELF to go look at that necklace I've BARELY mentioned because of the personal effort expended on YOUR part in a gift selection. Especially when you have so many pressing matters to attend to.
If you absolutely have to do something, ANOTHER Barbra Streisand CD in my stocking is fine. It's good to have them all -- one set for the car and another for the house. And you know that I have enough bath salts, but if you wanted to pick up some smelling salts for when I faint from nervous exhaustion, that would be OK.
If we are at a party and the baby sitter calls to tell us the cats knocked the Christmas tree over again, you just stay with our friends, honey. I'll take care of it. Lord knows the baby sitter doesn't know what to do. She was just waiting for something interesting to happen to ruin everything. I'll pick you up later. You can tell me how great it was to see everyone and catch up after being buried alive all year.
I will do all the worrying about being pregnant again every single month because WE don't believe in serious preventative measures of birth control because WE believe the Catholics have a point.
This is my gift to you.
But only one of them. I did plan a few little surprises for you.
NO. It is not what you will think, initially, but you can have that too.
Actually, it is the gift of leaving you alone for an entire weekend with the kids while I stay in a hotel in Lexington alone -- the same one I got pregnant in the last time via God's will would be fine.
I want you to have this breathtaking experience.
I love you, Santa. There is nothing as rare as a good man. All things considered, you are an exception, not a rule. Forget the necklace, it's you I want for Christmas.
Reach Tracy Herz at tracyh...@gmail.com.