According to a news release issued by "America's best-known hypnotherapist, John Morgan," it's now possible for dog owners to create the perfect pet through hypnosis thanks to Morgan's "inexpensive, easy-to-use CD that provides a safe and effective way for any dog of any age to reach the essential first step in training, which is calmness and relaxation."
The CD "is the result of nearly three years of research by Morgan," who apparently must now find a way to justify having played with his dogs for the past three years.
Although skeptical, I couldn't help but be intrigued by Morgan's claim that "dog owners can magically change their pooch from a terror into a calm and relaxed pet." Since our dogs put the terror in terrier, I figured what could it hurt to give it a try?
Being a responsible pet owner, I first prepared myself by engaging in exhaustive research on dog-hypnosis techniques through the numerous instructional videos available on YouTube. Armed with my newfound knowledge, I put on some soothing music, dimmed the lights, and began talking to Murry and Chewie in an even-toned voice.
There are precautions one must take when attempting to perform hypnosis on animals. For a session to be successful, it's imperative that sarcastic, wisecracking individuals be removed from the immediate area. All potential distractions (such as food, sneering cats, television shows that feature the sound of a doorbell, and the ever-enticing hind end) should be considered and removed, when possible.
Much to my surprise, I learned I'm a natural at dog hypnosis. My two subjects were quickly lulled into a state of calmness so thorough that if I hadn't known better, I'd have sworn they were sleeping.
When I felt confident that both dogs had achieved the adequate level of relaxation, I began to repeatedly recite my desired behavior modifications.
The vacuum cleaner is your friend.