"Please?" asked her friend Madi. "I've never done it before."

Going shopping at 4 a.m. might've sounded like fun to 11-year-olds, but to this 44-year-old - not so much. Still, I'd witnessed what slugs the two of them could be when I'd go in to wake them at the crack of noon. So when I agreed, it was with a good bit of confidence that I'd end up looking like the cool mom for saying yes without actually having to follow through on my promise.

They were up at 3:30.

Unlike many of the other early morning Black Friday shoppers, we hit the stores with no real game plan. We found a few bargains, but for the most part, we meandered and people-watched and tried on clothes until it was time for me to head in to work. Although it was still fairly early when we called it a day, we'd encountered no greedy, grabby crowds, no rude salespeople, no line jumpers or impatient shoppers.

But about 550 miles northeast of here, the story was different. That's where the Wal-Mart trampling took place. Where a part-time worker was killed after the mob of shoppers surged forward when the store opened, crumpling the door, which fell on the man. Pushing and shoving, the crowd stepped on and over his body, intent on nabbing the deals they'd waited hours to get.

I'm all about getting a bargain, saving a buck. Getting a deal is fun, but getting it at any cost is something to be ashamed of. I wonder how many of those Wal-Mart bargain shoppers felt shame over what they had done.

Shame isn't something we have enough of these days, and its absence is being felt more and more. How different would corporate America be right now if more executives and board members had been ashamed to accept exorbitant salaries and ridiculous perks or "it's just business" as an excuse for cut-throat strategies and less-than-honorable transactions?

Recovering a sense of shame would affect many problems we're having these days. Those who are capable of working, yet have connived their way into getting a monthly disability check should feel too ashamed to take those checks to the bank. They should fear that lightning will strike and render them or a loved one truly disabled.

No satisfaction should be had from scamming a faceless corporation or outwitting the system. Being able to get away with a wrong does not make it right.

"The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is," wrote George Bernard Shaw.

Those who have a capacity to feel and to appreciate shame are fortunate. Their path might not be smoother, but their way is clearer and the obstacles less costly, as their true value is more apparent.

"I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed." Jonathan Swift.

When I was growing up and attempted the excuse, "But everybody else is doing it," one of my parents would inevitably say, "And if everybody was jumping off a bridge, would you jump off, too?" It sounds obvious now, silly even. But their guidance was a gift. Having a strong personal sense of shame is powerful. Along with setting our own standards, we're laying the groundwork for our children as well. Instead of teaching them to fight for their fair share and win at all costs, we should be emphasizing the need to do the right thing regardless of whether someone is watching.

"Shame may restrain what the law does not prohibit," wrote Seneca.

What happened at that New York Wal-Mart was the ultimate blasphemy of Christmas. And those who have shamelessly pushed, trampled and shoved to get ahead need to pause long enough to remember the reason we began giving gifts at Christmas.

Karin Fuller can be reached via e-mail at karinful...@cnpapers.com.