CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- I'm a speed reader wanna-be - someone who accumulates reading material at most every turn, yet seldom finds time to get through a fraction of what's been collected. I'm handicapped by a love of words that prompts me to dawdle. There's so much I want to have read, yet that trip to past tense seldom goes fast.
Even magazines and newspapers aren't quick reads for me. I'm a sucker for headlines, lured by those brief, well-chosen word combinations that have been cleverly cast to summarize and attract.
But many also deceive. Especially the headlines in women's magazines.
The current issue of Good Housekeeping has an article titled "How to Fake a Clean House." It's a good thing pages can't catch fire from being flipped fast. Our household includes three dogs, two cats, two rabbits and three pigs (the latter being of the bacon-consuming, not producing, variety), so keeping our place tidy enough for guests to drop by with less than three weeks' notice isn't something we've mastered.
But get this. The article's methods for faking a clean house involved actual cleaning.
Seems a bit deceiving, don't you think?
To save time, they recommend you "Skip the oven." Who cleans the oven before company comes? The Witch from Hansel & Gretel might have reason to keep hers spic and span, but as a guest in other homes, I've not once felt compelled to poke my head in the oven. I trust my company will also refrain, tempting though it may be.
While in a waiting room, I was flipping through Redbook magazine when I saw an article promising advice on "How to Match Your Makeup to Your Mood." I was intrigued, as I've always believed the general rule was simple.
Makeup = approachable.
No makeup = approach with great care (and/or chocolate).