CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- "What's with the bird?"
"He looks fine to me."
"Why's he standing on one leg?"
"Parakeets just do that sometimes."
"Looks like he doesn't have a choice. His other leg's on the floor."
"I'll be damned."
"Hey, Mom! Petey lost a leg!"
"He's old. Leave him be. He can make do with one."
"He doesn't seem too upset."
"Think his wings are detachable, too?
"I said, leave him be. Your brother's doing OK with just half his wits. The bird'll be fine with half his allotment of legs."
"Speaking of birds, you sure that's a turkey? It looks too big for the oven."
"It's a swan. We get more stuffing that way."
"She's not serious, is she?"
"Can't say. She's got a cookbook on emu."
"Remember when Mom got thrown off the set of 'Sesame Street for chasing Big Bird with a carving knife?"
"That was ages ago. You kids don't forget anything."
"Oh, hey. There's goes the other leg."