CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- While collecting information to do my taxes, I reviewed last year's check register and realized it reads a bit like the program schedule for the Lifetime channel: one drama or disaster after another.
It takes a little reading between the lines for the show names to start jumping off the page.
Just a few entries into the year, you can see how "Timber! Night of the Falling Sequoia" ends up being followed by "Visit of the Imaginary Repairmen" and its subsequent sequels and spin-offs, "Invisible Contractors from Hell," "The Time Traveling Tree-Men of Montrose" and "The Roof Man Always Rings Twice, But Then Never Shows Up."
Lately I feel like I'm careening down the world's longest slippery slope, with no end in sight. Over a four-day span this past week, I was dealing with frozen water lines (the sequel) plus a bullet hole in my windshield. The hole seemed small enough that I thought I'd be OK waiting until payday to repair, except temperatures plummeted to such an extreme that the little hole ended up racing side to side and top to bottom.
So what would've been a hundred-dollar repair bill tripled in an instant.
It was while my windshield was being inspected that I learned my tires need to be replaced. This news came the same afternoon the vet informed me that my cat's repair bill would run close to $800. The following day brought tidings of fresh plumbing woes, ones that included the words, "You might want to sit down."
And that was just four days.
I suppose I could try and take pride in my efficiency for being able to pile so many monkeys on my back in such a short span of time, but honestly -- it's hard to feel anything but tired.
I was fighting the impulse to throw myself on the ground for a good wallow, maybe curl up all fetal and rock quietly while consuming my body weight in Reese's Valentine hearts, when a friend called to check in.