When you feel like you're swimming upstream, what keeps you holding on?
Whether it's a work or relationship issue, there generally comes a point when we ask ourselves if it's worth it. What happens after that depends on the situation - and the person.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, psychologist and author, simplifies it this way:
I've mentioned before that I'm pretty good at the first two points, yet I sometimes have challenges with the last one.
This proved to be the case again this week. I caught myself putting more tension on a situation by not detaching from it. Easier said than done!
I thought I was still in the second phase of putting all my energies toward the situation.
Sometimes in our zealousness to do everything we can, we overdo things. My former brother-in-law even had a saying: "Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."
So, how do you know when you're at that point? How do you know when to let go?
My research turned up some interesting twists on this age-old question - and some interesting tools. In this column I want to focus on those midlevel problems that tend to follow us around - issues at work, spats with spouses, friends and family. Dealing with grief over the loss of a loved one, for example, is beyond the scope of this topic (and the expertise of the columnist). If you're going through a particular challenge right now, though, you may find some of these tips helpful.
A good place to start is to look at what we can control and what we can't. Lots of needless suffering could be eliminated if we would put more of our energies toward those areas that are within our control. Duh ... again, easier said than done.
One barometer is our feelings. If something is getting too hard or feeling like it's being forced, it may be time to pull back. In our corner of the world, it may seem like the right thing to "keep on keeping on." Yet, with any communication there is at least one other party, if not more.
This is often referred to as "center of the universe" thinking. Sometimes we take signals of nonresponse personally, when in reality the other person(s) in the equation may be dealing with lots of other things; and our issue isn't even on their radar screen.
So, where's the point of accountability - knowing that we've done everything we can to communicate and act on our position - without going too far?
Here are a few points that address the "holding on" issue by psychologist and speaker Cynthia Ronan.