"I can't believe she hasn't called me back yet." "The construction guy said he'd be here today." "When will these 'terrible twos' end?"

From traffic jams to family squabbles to lines at the grocery checkout, we're faced with curveballs every day. It's not what happens to us in our lives; it's how we deal with what happens to us that determines how well things flow for us.

Does your blood boil when somebody snatches that parking spot out from under you? Or you get stuck with the carpool again?

Everyday stressors like these - and our reactions to them - actually hold the key to our peace of mind.

I call this "center-of-the-universe thinking." You know the feeling. You're so wrapped up in your own agenda that it's hard to be objective when things don't turn out the way you thought.

You've already planned out the next step and the next one - but you need her to call you back. And then the assumptions start to pile on. "Why hasn't she called back?" "What's taking her so long?" "Should I call her again?"

Then you're faced with a dilemma of how persistent to be. This is what I call the "prunes theory." Is three enough? Six too many? I have this theory that most things in life come down to prunes.

Whenever I've allowed myself to go over the top in one of these scenarios, I often find there was a good reason for a delay or a fork in the road. The person didn't get the message, or they were out sick or on vacation. Once I realize I wasn't deliberately wronged, I feel sheepish.

And then there are times when people just aren't responsive. Sometimes they need a reminder and a nudge. You have to weigh the pros and cons of being too laid back or too pushy. Back to the prunes theory.

According to writer Steven Lane Taylor, author of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat: A Guide for Living in the Divine Flow," we often get into trouble when:

Bingo - that last bullet hit me. I'm generally a proactive person. When I start a project, I swing into action with a fury. (Now, I often start another project before I finish the first one, but that's another column).

So I'm sometimes surprised when the rest of the world is not on my timetable. When I stand back and look at this mindset, though, it's actually pretty presumptuous. Who said she should call back within an hour? Is my request more urgent than those of others? Am I the only situation she's dealing with?

Back to center-of-the-universe thinking. This doesn't allow for a sick child, car problems or out-of-town company. Let alone work deadlines, day-care pickup or a dental appointment.

I've found that our well-intentioned efforts to keep ourselves organized can become unhealthy when they spill over into expectations placed on others. It's natural to want to be in control of your own life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well - when you literally can't rest until you get your way - you're on a slippery slope to being a control freak.

And if you're on the other end of this communication, you need to be careful that you don't fall into the trap of "jumping to" with someone else's demands. With some folks, this is automatic behavior - especially if you're wanting to please others.

Although there's nothing wrong with being accommodating to a point, you may need to consider setting some boundaries if you feel manipulated. If you can't "just say no," then take some small steps. Agree to the request, but on your time frame. Accept part of a project, but not the whole thing. Undertake this committee assignment with the understanding that future requests will need to be rotated.

As actor Bill Cosby responded when asked about the secret to success, "I don't know about the secret to success, but I know about the secret to failure: trying to please everyone."

Prunes, anyone?

Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and founder and chairwoman of The Arnold Agency, an integrated marketing communications firm in Charleston. Reader comments or questions may be mailed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mail livinglifefu...@arnoldagency.com.