The Olympic Games - the best of the best. We swell with pride when we hear our national anthem. And we want to reach into our television sets to prop us those who fail.

Wait a minute. I'd hardly call anyone who made it to the Olympics a failure. Yet just look at those faces like gymnast Alicia Sacromone's when they've let themselves and their teams down.

Years of preparation dissolve into minutes. And it's hard to imagine the years of discipline and sheer grit that have gone into those few moments of glory.

Not to mention the pressure - from coaches, parents, fans and the media. And the ever present prodding voice within.

Which brings to mind the playing field - or battlefield - that occurs every day in our minds. The pressure to be the best and the perfectionist attitudes that come along.

Spiraling behaviors that used to be the stuff of movie plots are now being played out in mainstream society - in middle schools, high schools, colleges, workplaces and homes everywhere.

We're all familiar with the escape mechanisms of alcohol and drugs that cut across all demographics. And I keep hearing of other mechanisms to deal with the intense pressure of "measuring up" - anorexia, bulimia, cutting - and a new one I learned about last week.

While visiting my mother in the Washington, D.C., area, we met some cousins at a restaurant to catch up on life. My cousin Diana started telling us about a conference she attended to learn about her daughter's anxiety disorder that causes her to tear her hair out.

I was not familiar with this and listened intently. The condition is known as trichotillomania, and the person experiencing it has no control over it at all. This disorder is not limited to pulling hair from the head. It also extends to the eyebrows, eyelashes, arms, legs and armpits (ouch!). In fact, Diana said she could tell how stressed her daughter was just by looking at her brows.

So what's causing all this pressure? Has it always been there, and we're just now hearing more about it? Or is it more intense these days? Is it internally or externally driven?

From what I've learned, it seems these severe coping mechanisms are either a route to escape or a release valve for getting through some immediate trauma. According to Dr. Daniel Ploskin, people with such impulse-control disorders can't resist the urge to do something harmful to themselves or others.

Usually a person feels increasing tension before committing the act that characterizes their disorder. During the act, the person feels pleasure, gratification or relief. Afterward, there are feelings of regret, guilt or shame.

With the hair pulling, my cousin says there are common characteristics to the disorder. It generally affects very bright students who hold themselves to a high standard, and it can be hereditary. It's similar to other impulse-control disorders like shoplifting, gambling, pyromania, addictions to alcohol or drugs, eating disorders and intermittent explosive attacks of rage.

Some of these disorders are rooted in chemical or hormonal imbalances in the body, and treatments can involve counseling, psychotherapy and/or medication. I'll leave those to the professionals. Others stem from extreme internal stress, and that's where I'd like to concentrate.

There's a big difference between being the best and being your best. While it may not be possible for all of us to be the best, we can certainly apply ourselves to be our best. This holds the advantage of not having to measure our progress against that of others. While this is often viewed as a necessary ingredient in competitive pursuits, it doesn't need to take center stage. And it certainly doesn't need to dominate in everyday life.

While it's healthy to set goals, the balance is tipped when we create too much pressure on ourselves and go headlong into the area of perfectionism. An article by Elizabeth Scott, "Are Too-High Expectations Wrecking Your Inner Peace?" summarizes some common pitfalls:

All-or-nothing thinking: Perfectionists set high goals and work hard toward them. However, a high achiever can be satisfied with doing a good job, even if their goals aren't completely met. Perfectionists will accept nothing less than perfection. "Almost perfect" is seen as a failure.

Critical eye: Perfectionists are far more critical of themselves and of others than are high achievers - spotting every tiny mistake. They home in on these imperfections and have trouble seeing anything else.

"Push" vs. "pull": High achievers are pulled toward their goals by a desire to achieve them, and are happy with any steps made in the right direction. Perfectionists, on the other hand, tend to be pushed toward their goals by a fear of not reaching them - and see anything less than a perfectly met goal as a failure.

Unrealistic standards: Often a perfectionist's goals aren't even reasonable. They can set even their initial goals out of reach.

Focus on results: High achievers can enjoy the process of chasing a goal as much as actually reaching a goal itself, while perfectionists see the goal and nothing else. They're so concerned about avoiding the dreaded failure they can't enjoy the process.

Depressed by unmet goals: While high achievers are able to bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, perfectionists tend to beat themselves up when their high expectations go unmet.

While it sounds like the old Army motto, "being the best we can be" is a lot more realistic than the illusions we sometimes suffer from attempting to being the best.

Perfectionist behavior often stems from a need to exert control in one's life. Constantly setting the bar higher and higher, though, can be unhealthy and unrealistic.

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, take a look at the toll they're taking. There are definitely healthier ways to learn to accept oneself - and to be our best.

Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and founder and chairwoman of The Arnold Agency, an integrated marketing communications firm in Charleston. Reader comments or questions may be mailed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mail livinglifefu...@arnoldagency.com.