WHY can't I stay committed? I need to exercise more. I need to be more patient.

If you find similar thoughts swirling in your head, you're not alone. Whatever the category is, the feedback loop is the same. We know certain things would be good for us, yet we resist them.

Do we lack the discipline to develop -- and stick with -- new habits, or is it some kind of self-sabotage? And then the excuses start flooding in:

| I don't have enough time

| I don't have enough money

| I'm too tired

If this sounds familiar, you'll be glad to know I've figured it all out -- right after I finish "Why Don't I Do The Things I Know Are Good For Me?" The book leapt out at me at the bookstore the other day.

After hundreds of interviews, author B.J. Gallagher concluded there's a huge gap between what we know and what we do.

Gallagher says there are many factors that affect our behavior -- cultural, psychological, familial, spiritual, emotional, economic and historical. There are, however, two major categories that describe why we don't do the things we know are good for us: external reasons and internal reasons. For most of us, it's a combination of both.

For example, one may cite "a desire for immediate comfort and stress relief" as an internal reason for eating junk food, with the underlying context of an external influence like a TV commercial. The historical knowledge of relief that has been gained before -- even though it may have been followed by self-loathing -- results in the behavior. The operative word here is "immediate."

People do what works. What we need to look at, in my opinion, is the definition of "what works." And, more specifically, "what works for how long."

When we're only interested in short-term gains, we tend to repeat the same self-sabotaging behaviors (excessive drinking, smoking, eating, shopping, etc.) It's only when the pleasure of the short-term fix is overcome time and time again by the long-term pain that we can think about making a change. And then it's certainly not easy.

Our rational thoughts tell us what would be good for us, but our fatigue and emotions -- the need for immediate stress relief -- override our rationality. This isn't a character flaw; it's because we're human.

When we feel pain, we look for the quickest, easiest way to make it go away. So, how do we start to change?

The first step, according to Gallagher, is to just notice. Something that's good for us often speaks in the voice of "I should."

| I should save more money

| I should say "no thanks" to that invitation

| I should tell him/her what I really think

| I should drink more water

Now, listen to the voice that usually wins out. It speaks to us like this:

| I need a drink

| I deserve a little treat

| I need an escape

So, how do we balance out these voices and do what is in our overall best interest? When does "I should" come up for you?

Pay attention to how you feel about yourself in all kinds of situations. When do you feel peaceful and happy? Confident? Insecure? Worthless? You don't have to do anything right now. Just notice.

Pay attention to the various kinds of addictions people indulge in -- overeating, overspending, gambling, compulsive working, and above all, addiction to perfection. Just notice what's going on around you. And what's going on within you.

Notice any judgments that come up. Do you automatically criticize yourself for thinking, feeling, saying or doing certain things? What do you like or dislike about yourself?

Begin the process of accepting who you are today. Pick just one thing you don't like about yourself and practice thinking of it in positive terms.

Look for what you can do, not what you can't. Maybe you can't go to a gym today, but you can go for a walk. Maybe you can't go for a walk, but you can touch your toes 10 times. Just because you can't do everything doesn't mean you can't do something.

Every time you catch yourself doing something right, let that register with you. I've adopted the posture of professional tennis athletes when they make that perfect shot: it's an arm pump with a big "yesssssss." I often do this silently, yet I know it registers within.

Practice active appreciation. Remember the universal law that whatever you focus on and show gratitude for over time will increase in your life. And stop playing the comparison game. Just focus on your personal best.

Make a list of the ways you avoid taking care of yourself. Maybe it's procrastination; maybe it's getting distracted. Are you always saying "yes" when you sometimes want to say "no?"

And remember. We all need to crawl before we can walk. And walk before we can run.

Linda Arnold is a certified wellness instructor and CEO of The Arnold Agency, an advertising, public relations and government relations firm. Reader inquiries may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 2530l or e-mailed to livinglifefu...@arnoldagency.com.