CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- This is my first Mother's Day without my mother. These "firsts" are tough, and I know many of you are going through the same thing.
Whether it's been one year, five years or 20, lessons from our mothers (or early caregivers) tend to endure.
My father passed away 16 years ago, and I remember feeling totally numb after his death. There was all the activity in the beginning -- and extended family all around -- and then, about three weeks afterward, everything felt so empty.
I remember thinking, "Nothing I do today is of any significance." I wondered if I'd ever regain my zest for life. As clichéd as it sounds, time did heal some things. I'm now able to look back and remember my dad with more nostalgia -- and less sorrow.
It's funny, though. I didn't feel the same after my mom's passing -- right before the holidays. The circumstances after her death were similar. In fact, some extended family members were here for a month in that "November to Remember."
Right from the beginning I've felt that my mom is still with me. I feel her spirit all around me every day, and I've had lots of dreams about her -- all positive. I don't know if it's because I've already been through this with one parent, or whether I'm older now, or what. It's just different. And I feel good about it. Don't get me wrong. I miss her like crazy; it's just that I have more of a sense of peace -- and it hasn't taken years to emerge.
After Mom made her transition, I didn't have all those doctors' appointments, lab tests, grocery store and drugstore runs on her behalf. I had more time in my life, and a good friend cautioned me to be very careful about what I filled that void with, because it would be a shame to have this once-sacred time sucked away by the minutiae of the moment. I've done my best to follow this advice as a way of honoring Mom.
And speaking of honoring Mom, I'd like to share some words of wisdom compiled by my niece, Caity Craver, to remember her grandmother. Caity read this at my mom's funeral -- which we termed as a "ThanksLiving" service.
'ThanksLiving Lessons'
This truly is a celebration of one of my favorite people -- my friend, my mentor, my coach, my grandma (most recently upgraded to "GG" -- for Great Grandma).
Grandma was very wise. Through this wisdom she has taught me some of life's most important lessons. She taught me these lessons, not through lengthy lectures -- rather, by example. To recite everything she taught me would take too long, so here's a sampling:
Treat others as you want to be treated. If they don't treat you the same in return, forget about them.
Take good care of your teeth.
Never let your gas tank dip below half full. You never know when you can run into car trouble.
Speaking of car trouble, make sure you're always wearing nice underwear. If something happens while you're driving, you don't want the emergency team seeing your old underwear.
Be willing to do anything it takes to help someone in need. However, don't ever let helping someone else hurt you.
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- This is my first Mother's Day without my mother. These "firsts" are tough, and I know many of you are going through the same thing.
Whether it's been one year, five years or 20, lessons from our mothers (or early caregivers) tend to endure.
My father passed away 16 years ago, and I remember feeling totally numb after his death. There was all the activity in the beginning -- and extended family all around -- and then, about three weeks afterward, everything felt so empty.
I remember thinking, "Nothing I do today is of any significance." I wondered if I'd ever regain my zest for life. As clichéd as it sounds, time did heal some things. I'm now able to look back and remember my dad with more nostalgia -- and less sorrow.
It's funny, though. I didn't feel the same after my mom's passing -- right before the holidays. The circumstances after her death were similar. In fact, some extended family members were here for a month in that "November to Remember."
Right from the beginning I've felt that my mom is still with me. I feel her spirit all around me every day, and I've had lots of dreams about her -- all positive. I don't know if it's because I've already been through this with one parent, or whether I'm older now, or what. It's just different. And I feel good about it. Don't get me wrong. I miss her like crazy; it's just that I have more of a sense of peace -- and it hasn't taken years to emerge.
After Mom made her transition, I didn't have all those doctors' appointments, lab tests, grocery store and drugstore runs on her behalf. I had more time in my life, and a good friend cautioned me to be very careful about what I filled that void with, because it would be a shame to have this once-sacred time sucked away by the minutiae of the moment. I've done my best to follow this advice as a way of honoring Mom.
And speaking of honoring Mom, I'd like to share some words of wisdom compiled by my niece, Caity Craver, to remember her grandmother. Caity read this at my mom's funeral -- which we termed as a "ThanksLiving" service.
'ThanksLiving Lessons'
This truly is a celebration of one of my favorite people -- my friend, my mentor, my coach, my grandma (most recently upgraded to "GG" -- for Great Grandma).
Grandma was very wise. Through this wisdom she has taught me some of life's most important lessons. She taught me these lessons, not through lengthy lectures -- rather, by example. To recite everything she taught me would take too long, so here's a sampling:
Treat others as you want to be treated. If they don't treat you the same in return, forget about them.Take good care of your teeth.Never let your gas tank dip below half full. You never know when you can run into car trouble.Speaking of car trouble, make sure you're always wearing nice underwear. If something happens while you're driving, you don't want the emergency team seeing your old underwear.Be willing to do anything it takes to help someone in need. However, don't ever let helping someone else hurt you.Treat your body with respect.Listen to your children.Clip coupons and find a store that will double them. You never have too much money to save.Treat material objects with respect. Whether it's your clothes or car, someone worked hard to make a way for you to have nice things.Be the best mother you can be. Know that children are a blessing. Love them with everything you have.Wash your hands -- at least 37 times a day.There's always an alternative to something that's not good for your body. Instead of alcohol, fill your glass with ginger ale. Instead of pasta, there are wheat berries. Instead of cigarettes -- well, there is no alternative; just don't do it.Make those around you feel like the most special people in the world.Look nice, even if you don't feel like it. People notice, and it does make a difference.Tell the truth, even if you think it will upset someone you care about.Love your husband, and be willing to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage strong.The only person that can stop you is you.Be willing to change. When a door closes, a window will always open.Leave everything a little better than you found it. This may take a few bottles of Clorox and OOOO steel wool, but it's possible!My mom certainly did leave this world a little better than she found it. Today -- and for generations to come -- her wisdom will live on.
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and Chairwoman/CEO of The Arnold Agency, a marketing communications firm specializing in advertising, public relations, government relations and interactive marketing. Reader comments may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livelifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
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