Smell the Coffee: Overheard on Thanksgiving
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- "What's with the bird?"
"He looks fine to me."
"Why's he standing on one leg?"
"Parakeets just do that sometimes."
"Looks like he doesn't have a choice. His other leg's on the floor."
"I'll be damned."
"Hey, Mom! Petey lost a leg!"
"He's old. Leave him be. He can make do with one."
"He doesn't seem too upset."
"Think his wings are detachable, too?
"I said, leave him be. Your brother's doing OK with just half his wits. The bird'll be fine with half his allotment of legs."
"Speaking of birds, you sure that's a turkey? It looks too big for the oven."
"It's a swan. We get more stuffing that way."
"She's not serious, is she?"
"Can't say. She's got a cookbook on emu."
"Remember when Mom got thrown off the set of 'Sesame Street for chasing Big Bird with a carving knife?"
"That was ages ago. You kids don't forget anything."
"Oh, hey. There's goes the other leg."
"Bird down! We've got a bird down over here!"
"Want I should pop the legs off this Barbie?"
"Where's the Gorilla Glue?"
"Thank goodness Grandpa isn't here to see what morons y'all turned out to be."
"Hey! I'm right here."
"Who dug up Grandpa?"
"The dogs have muddy feet."
"Good thing I had jerky in my pocket or I'd have been digging myself out for days."
"Just maneuvering to get a drumstick for once."
"I earned those drumsticks."
"Would someone put Petey's legs on a platter for Grandpa?"
"Anyone seen my watch?"
"You had it on when you were filling the turkey."
"Let's just call it Cracker Jack stuffing. Comes with a prize."
"Hey! There's an angry swan on the deck. Wants to know if we've seen his mate."
"And would you look at that? He has only one leg."
Enjoy your family this Thanksgiving. No matter how strange.
Reach Karin Fuller via email at email@example.com.