Wayne Bennett: Uncoordinated, unlucky, or both
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- I have never considered myself a klutz. I very often trip over things, never fall, and rarely knock things over.
However, events have happened that definitely would place me in the "bad karma" category.
One evening, I was leaving the Charleston area heading toward Beckley when I decided to stop at the Taco Bell in Kanawha City. With three tacos to go and darkness falling fast, I headed down the Turnpike.
Hunger pangs became prevalent so I decided to dine and drive. I was finishing the first taco as I approached the first set of toll booths. As I entered the well-lit area of the money collectors, I discovered that not only had I just eaten a taco, but I had devoured half the paper it was wrapped in. I guess a little hot sauce will make anything taste good.
There was another time when I was attending a football coaching clinic in South Carolina. There were more than 200 coaches from a variety of states in attendance.
Long tables were provided for us in case we wanted to take notes. Drinks and refreshments were also provided. After one particular session ended, I stood to leave, tucked my shirt in and proceeded toward the door. It was then I heard this god-awful crash.
I turned to see broken pitchers, glasses and bowls strewn everywhere. It was also at that time I noticed the long tablecloth tucked into my pants along with my shirt. You can imagine my embarrassment, but all the coaches who witnessed it thought it was hilarious. I skipped the next session.
Then there was the time we had an underground dog fence put around our yard to keep our two huskies in check.
The idea of an underground dog fence is to signal the animals wearing collars that they are getting too close to the boundary set for them. If they decide to walk over the underground wire, they will receive a shock to deter that notion.
After the installation of the wire, my wife became concerned that the shock might hurt her 70-pound "babies." To demonstrate that a 5-amp jolt would not harm them, I put one of the collars around my neck and stepped over the wire.
As I broke the plane, a relentless electrical shock ran through my body. My body shook as I reached for the collar and I instantly began to run. The problem is that I did not run forward or backward. I ran laterally down the yard continually receiving the current throughout my system. Although I suffered no permanent damage, my advice is, don't try this at your home.
Most people will agree there is a fine line between being a klutz or experiencing "bad karma." I'll let you decide.
Wayne Bennett, of Stanaford, may be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org.