Hawking enhancers and horse meat
I've seen commercials in which former GOP presidential candidate Bob Dole stood up for the benefits of Viagra, rocker Ozzy Osbourne spread the word about I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and actress Jamie Lee Curtis was released from the symptoms of "occasional irregularity" by downing Activia yogurt.
So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to turn on the television one night last week and see a commercial in which ex-big league baseball slugger Jose Canseco, an admitted former performance enhancing drug user, was pitching the benefits of an over-the-counter testosterone booster.
In his commercial for HT Higher Testosterone, Canseco wore a form-fitting muscle shirt to showcase his chemically enhanced guns, and gave a rapid-fire recitation of the benefits that could be accrued from popping nonprescription HT gel caps.
It was testosterone use that got Canseco booted from a comeback bid with the Mexican League Quintana Roo Tigers last year -- seven years after he released "Juiced," his tell-all memoir of steroid abuse during his long and storied Major League Baseball career.
If Canseco is blazing a road to riches for other disgraced athletes to follow, it could lead to:
--Lance Armstrong becoming the celebrity spokesman for Kroger's "Simple Truth" line of organic foods.
--Tiger Woods becoming the host of cable television's "Cheaters."
--Barry Bonds hawking the "San Francisco Juicer" nectar-extracting machine.
--Alex Rodriguez teaming up with Las Vegas animal trainer Siegfried Fischbacher to form new act, Siegfried and 'Roid.
* * * * *
A few weeks ago, it came to light that horsemeat had been detected in the ground beef supply used by several European outlets of an American fast-food chain.
Instead of renaming their sandwiches the Quarterhorse Pounder, the Big Nag or the Whipper, the owners of the affected restaurants, to their credit, scrambled to find new, reliable ground beef suppliers.
How long did they have to wait to get squared away again? Not furlong.
But just as that food fraud scandal was being laid to rest, a new one emerged. Last week, a study by an environmental advocacy group was released, indicating that about one-third of all seafood products sold in American stores and restaurants are mislabeled.
I haven't read the details of the study yet, but I already have one strong suspicion:
Seahorse meat may be involved.