What is a West Virginia Democrat anyway?

Camels, zebras and platypuses, that's who.

If there were an ark, three of our political animals would decline the ride.

Those guys are U.S. Sen. Joe Manchin, Gov. Earl Ray Tomblin and Rep. Nick Joe Rahall, lifelong Democrats who do not want to go to the Democratic National Convention.

This is like Baptists who don't want to go to church or astronauts who would rather stay home.

Used to be, a political party was shorthand for values, goals and a shared vision of what should be.

You'd get together at a convention to agree on all that. Each idea was the platform.

Now we're bringing new meaning to unconventional. The platform? Might as well be the plank.

Can we at least agree on a motto? "It's my party, which I'll deny if I want to."

Manchin, Tomblin and Rahall say they would rather stay in West Virginia, among their constituents.

They seem like they'd rather jump off the New River Gorge Bridge, sit alone atop Spruce Knob or get lost in the Milton corn maze than root, root, root for Barack Obama.

Then there's Jay Rockefeller.

The cheese stands alone.

While Manchin, Tomblin and Rahall huddled in the boys room with their leather jackets and sneaky cigarettes, Rockefeller jumped - all 7-foot-5 of him - into the deep end of the pool.

This week, Jay-Rock went on the Senate floor and chastened coal producers.

He is from a coal state.

This is like the Senator from Kansas scolding corn. Or the Senator from Maryland taking a stand against crabcakes.

Will Jay-Rock be at the Democratic convention? Are you kidding? Front row, three empty seats beside him, hand raised aloft, waving and begging to be called on.

So if you are a West Virginia Democrat, here's an identity crisis.

Are you for the president or against him?

Do you like coal or do you think it's gone the way of the dinosaurs?

In your voting booth with your ballot, might you just close your eyes and scribble?

West Virginia Democrats aren't the only ones with issues, though.

Richie Robb, who was synonymous for 30 years with "Republican mayor of South Charleston," this week scored a political party hat trick.

A few years ago, Robb became a Democrat. This week, he said he's jumping on board the Mountain Party, which at least seems to know what it stands for. Duh - the mountains.

Robb would like to run for Senate against Manchin if he can raise enough money. He's a political chameleon. He says he'll probably switch back to Democrat after the election cycle is over.

That's what's wonderful about being a Democrat in West Virginia, I guess. It's whatever you want it to be.

"I think that shape in the cloud represents jobs!"

"I think the shape in the cloud represents our health!"

West Virginians are an independent-minded lot, committed to the notion that our mountain culture is one of a kind.

Thank goodness we've got the political party to match. We'd be bored without it.

Contact managing editor Brad McElhinny at bra...@dailymail.com or 304-348-1703. Follow him at www.Twitter.com/BradMcElhinny.