"We're going to start stocking trophy Florida-strain largemouth bass. The fish will run 5 to 8 pounds, and they'll be stocked in all the state's major lakes and rivers.
"Same will go for trout. Brown and rainbow trout will have to be at least 18 inches long before they're stocked. We'll have a 12-inch minimum for brook trout. And starting next year, all West Virginia trout waters will receive weekly stockings."
By this time, my head was reeling. "What prompted all these changes?" I asked.
"We got tired of selling the un-sellable," the source replied. "We led the sporting public astray for so long, and in so many wayward directions. It finally got so we couldn't live with ourselves."
I leaned in. "Could you give me some examples of those deceptions?"
"Sure. You know how we've always claimed that coyotes migrated here from the Midwest? Total BS. We stocked 'em. We're stocking mountain lions, too. And rattlesnakes."
"Rattlesnakes? What for?"
"To help control coyote and mountain lion populations. You can't introduce predators unless you introduce something to keep their populations down."
I sat there, stunned. Many of the things I'd reported about the DNR had just been proven completely false, and all because one courageous woman on the agency's administrative staff had chosen to confide in me.
Her name? Well, let's just say her name is known to almost every West Virginian, in fact to almost every American:
It's April. April Fool.