Rick Steelhammer
September 21, 2008
Another great week on the campaign trail

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Joe Biden marched through the Rust Belt of the Midwest last week, talking tirelessly and endlessly to anyone who would listen, and giving nearly 80 interviews to his counterpart's two.

But, sadly, all I remember about his week of hard campaigning was a video clip of him introducing his running mate as "Barack America." Come to think of it, such an action-hero type name change could supercharge Obama's election bid for those who would like to see him engage in a bit more flag waving.

While Sarah Palin, the most interesting face in the campaign crowd these days, didn't shed much personal light on what makes her tick, as opposed to ticked off (the news media, community organizers, soccer moms, tree huggers, liberals, the news media, etc.), there was plenty of digging going on by reporters to discover where she was coming from. Besides Wasilla, Alaska.

 So without further adieu, here are a few unconfirmed, not-quite-ready-for- publication items uncovered about the charismatic Republican vice presidential candidate by some of my hard-hitting colleagues in the Fourth Estate. They purport, you decide -- just like Fox News. I make no claims regarding their accuracy:

  • While addressing a campaign crowd in Sleepy Eye, Minn., Palin asked supporters if they knew the difference between a soccer mom whose minivan is completely out of oil and a hockey mom with a full crankcase in her truck. "Dipstick!" she replied.
  • Palin has a meth-addicted half-brother named Crank and a tattoo artist sister-in-law named Ink who were jailed briefly for being involved in a knife fight over a sourdough Hot Pocket.
  • Since seeing John McCain in action and after meeting Larry King in person, Palin is now forced to confront the possibility that life may have begun much longer than 10,000 years ago.
  • Palin insists she's qualified to help repair the world economy because she can see both Russia and a Super Wal-Mart from her living room window.
  • When asked about the Bering Land Bridge, Palin maintained that as Alaska governor, she sent back all federal funds allocated for construction of the project.
  • As governor, Palin tried to balance the state budget by selling the Aleutian Islands on eBay.
  • As a hobby, Palin has sewn and embroidered several sizes of drawstring bags made out of a sturdy, cheesecloth-like fabric for use in storing moose meat. When a local newspaper carried a headline stating "Palin Practicing in Muslin," an enduring, unfounded rumor began making the rounds.
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