Let me tell you about Isaiah, a 6-foot-5 junior forward on the uptick. He doesn't talk to me on game days, which is fine, and, frankly, doesn't differ that much from non-game days.
I am proud to say he's playing pretty well. And last month, when Springbrook ended defending state champion Magruder's 31-game winning streak, my ice-veined, tight-lipped stepson made two free throws in the final minute to force overtime; at that moment, Isaiah became I-Savior.
Alas, Springbrook has lost three times since then, leaving me with no choice but to cut Isaiah's allowance in half and make him take the trash out twice as often.
In the meantime, Andrew and Aaron - who live up the street from us - were over eating breakfast the other Saturday. I came back from walking the dog, saw Andrew taking his dishes to the kitchen and asked if there were any leftovers for me.
"Oh, no," he said, "I learned a long time ago to never leave anything on your plate."
Fine, but if the kid wants to take all the food off my table, he'd better make all his free throws, too.
Ask The Slouch
Q. Would you fire Rex Ryan for 6-10 or for his bizarre choice of body art? (Gregg Griffin; Baltimore)
A. I have to recuse myself on this one - oddly enough, I also have a tattoo of Rex Ryan's wife wearing Mark Sanchez's No. 6 jersey.
Q. You're an L.A. guy - you people ever going to get an NFL team? (Richard Burke; Colonie, N.Y.)
A. This has actually been a great town to live in since the Rams and Raiders left. And it will be even a better place when Kanye West and Kim Kardashian leave.
Q. Back in 2008, I began putting $1.25 in my piggybank for every time I heard Jesse Palmer use the word "physicality." I was able to retire at the end of 2012. (Sam Hess; Carmel, Ind.)
A. Hope your piggybank can absorb another $1.25.
Q. Even if one doesn't speak Spanish, is it okay to use the SAP button when Hubie Brown's around? (Gene Sittenfeld; Glensboro, Ky.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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