For a change of pace culinarily speaking, I have two words for you: Salmon Lasagna. This is a specialty of my Toni, a.k.a. She Is The One (And Then Some). Interestingly, the key to salmon lasagna is neither the salmon nor the lasagna, it's the Bechamel sauce. But it's a complicated recipe, so you should contact the lady herself; she now runs Toni's Table catering.
Exactly how good is this dish I just mentioned? We no longer have makeup sex; rather, after we fight, Toni just makes us salmon lasagna. Cleverly, I pick a lot of fights with her.
The responsible thing to drink all day is sparkling water. But I know many of you won't be responsible, and many of you are still bemoaning the fact that Diet Mountain Dew Code Red isn't available in your area. So let me suggest you go old-school: Fresca, my friends.
Oh, yeah, the game itself - you probably want to know who's going to win. A lot of you aren't going to like this: The Ravens and 49ers will be tied at the end of regulation, 23-23, and, then, after two scoreless overtime periods, Commissioner Roger Goodell - citing player-safety concerns - is going to call it off and declare co-Super Bowl champions for the first time. It will be like kissing your brother.
Ask The Slouch
Q. Bill Belichick refused to be interviewed by CBS after the Patriots' loss to the Ravens. Did you ever turn down an interview request after one of your divorces? (Bill Pollack; Niskayuna, N.Y.)
A. After most divorces, I usually go on a blackjack bender and gamble away the alimony.
Q. Advertisers are not allowed to mention the words "Super Bowl," so they call it the "Big Game." Are there any such restrictions on the use of "Couch Slouch"? (Ed Wintermantel; Pittsburgh)
A. I believe you now owe me $1.25.
Q. Would the Pro Bowl have more meaning if the team from the winning conference received one extra timeout in the Super Bowl? (Jim Boswell; Bowie, Md.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!