How do we stop this unconscionable gold rush that has no business sharing campus space with academic pursuits?
As always, I recommend the complete abolition of intercollegiate athletics.
On the other hand, I like Texas A&M getting 61/2 points this Saturday at home against Alabama.
Ask The Slouch
Q. In your adolescent heyday, would The Slouch ever consider sneaking into Wrigley Field to steal some ivy? You seem like a civil disobedience type of guy. (B.D. Davis; Albany, N.Y.)
A. How stupid do I look? Home Depot's got Delray ivy plants for $15.99 a piece and it ships free with a $45 order.
Q. Where do you rank Diana Nyad's 110-mile Cuba-to-Florida swim in terms of athletic accomplishments? (Don Chapman; Aurora, Il.)
A. I'm very impressed, but I believe Southwest has a Cuba-to-Florida route now. She'd save a lot of time, and bags swim free.
Q. If John McCain were elected president, do you think he would've played online poker in the Oval Office? (Kenneth Blake; Indianapolis)
A. That's fine by me, as long as he doesn't put his feet up on the desk.
Q. Why not "level the playing field" and just allow the remaining 17 pro athletes not on PEDs to use them? (Bill Agnostak; Rockville, Md.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!