Hey, trust me - Couch Slouch hates being Couch Grouch on this one; I enjoy watching the games, too, and I understand the value of a winning team to a community's spirit and mood. In the old days, it even used to sell more newspapers; nowadays, you can only sell a newspaper on the street if it's hanging around the neck of a free turkey.
But the 1 percenters should pay for their own state-of-the-art playpens - I guess we'll consider that a tax on their riches - and then overcharge us for tickets, parking and concessions, if they wish. That's the old-fashioned free market. And we, the people - the 99 percenters - should NOT subsidize these businesses by paying the freight for their stadiums.
There were a couple of encouraging signs recently - Florida lawmakers declined to give the Dolphins tax breaks to help renovate their stadium, and a deal to renovate the Rams' Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis also was denied.
But as I found out with my failed "No More Stadiums, With or Without Tax Subsidies" Tour a couple of years ago, America is generally under the spell of a manifest-stadium-destiny mentality.
We love our shining sports palaces, at virtually any cost.
Then again, if we're stupid enough to buy a new smartphone every 22 months, why wouldn't we want a new football stadium every seven years?
Ask The Slouch
Q. If Tiger Woods cannot tell the difference between a ball moving and a ball oscillating, how many times has this happened in the past? (Linc Perley; Montgomery Village, Md.)
A. I assume it's a frequent occurrence in his professional and personal life.
Q. Have you ever been so bored that you sat and watched a Seattle Mariners game in September? (Mike Hall; Spokane, Wash.)
A. Please don't do anything rash - I have a help team en route to your home.
Q. How rich is Floyd Mayweather? (Joe Byrnes; Austin, Tex.)
A. If he married Oprah, it would be a very interesting prenup.
Q. The Pirates, Indians and Royals all finishing over. 500 - could that have been the retire-to-a-tropical-paradise parlay? (Mark Cohen; Gibsonia, Pa.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!