WITH ANOTHER NBA season upon us, I recently texted outgoing NBA monarch David Stern - maybe the most fan-friendly despot in despotic history - and suggested the league require all head coaches to wear name tags, at least until the all-star break.
Because of the NBA's 30 teams, 13 have new head coaches.
Erik Spoelstra, with two straight NBA titles, enters his sixth season in Miami, giving the Rogaine-free Heat coach the second-longest same-team tenure in the league.
Everyone else, other than Gregg Popovich, pretty much just started last week.
If NBA coaches worked for the government, they'd be "non-essential employees." They're the world's most expensive temps.
The Obamacare webmaster has greater job security than most NBA coaches.
Now, I'm about to tell you some stuff that you're not going to believe, but you're going to have to believe it because it's all true.
*I must defend the Clippers' personnel move because, frankly, every time Del Negro called a timeout, he looked as if he were about to order a pizza from Domino's. I mean, come on, Del Negro vs. Popovich is like Gomer Pyle vs. General Patton.
Meanwhile, since December 2010, the Charlotte Bobcats have had four coaches.
And in 2010, the Cleveland Cavaliers replaced Mike Brown with Byron Scott, then, in 2013, they replaced Scott with Brown.
(You might have to read that previous sentence again to realize they fired Coach A and hired Coach B, then fired Coach B and rehired Coach A. As a one-time courtesy, I will not name the team owner responsible for this, but he makes Daniel Snyder look like Conn Smythe.)
Six of the 12 teams that changed coaches after the 2012-13 season made the playoffs. The 13th change occurred when Doc Rivers suddenly realized he preferred L.A. weather and traffic to Boston weather and traffic, and was traded to the Clippers from the Celtics.
If I had my own sports talk radio show or cable talking-head hour, I would pose the following question at this point:
How come the NBA is in the throes of so much coaching upheaval?
(When you have your own show, you have to use expressions like "in the throes" that you would never say in every-day conversation.)