Naturally, money fuels this all-consuming madness.
Speaking of which, I am reminded of our retail madness as we celebrate Thanksgiving. This once untouchable family gathering has descended into a rush to conspicuous consumption, as Walmart, Kmart, Target, Best Buy, JC Penney and Macy's all open their doors on the holiday.
Of course, those of us staying at home give thanks that we can tune in to NFL games from noon to midnight. Embarrassingly, I will do just that.
Our indefatigable family dog Sapphire watches a lot of this stuff by my side. But sometimes she looks at me as if to say, "Another game? C'mon, man. Let's go outside, smell the roses and pee!"
She's got a point.
Ask The Slouch
Q. On the last play of "Monday Night Football," the referee said the ball was "uncatchable." Wasn't it uncatchable because Rob Gronkowski was getting bear-hugged and all but French-kissed by the defender? (Michael Rizzo; Albany, N.Y.)
A. I just reviewed the video from the Patriots-Panthers game and remain firmly convinced that Tom Brady fumbled on Jan. 19, 2002 vs. the Raiders.
Q. Since I reserve four to five of my 20 free article views each month to read your column, does not make me your No. 1 e-fan? (Mark Ernest; Tracys Landing, Md.)
A. There's a fine line between e-fan and e-stalker, sir. Back off.
Q. Am I correct to assume you were bullied while playing Pop Warner football? (Jeff Freed; Tacoma, Wash.)
A. Actually, I bullied myself to cut out the middleman.
Q. If NASCAR drivers aren't considered athletes, would that also rule out the two middle guys on a four-man bobsled team? (Jeff Maess; Indianapolis)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!