The team is coached - somewhat loudly - by the venerable and cranky Tom Crowell, ably assisted by Darnell Myers, Kirk Davis, Rob Harmon and Brian McCarty. The coaches sometimes yell at the players and sometimes at themselves.
(Meanwhile, the parents are yelling at the coaches. Why? Because they know better. To which I say: Coach Crowell has a 190-32 record at Springbrook, with three state titles in nine seasons. And you folks want him to change his ways? The man is 66 years old - he was this way when he was 33 and he'll be this way when he's 99.)
It's pure theater watching Crowell during a timeout. "We're not playing a LICK OF DEFENSE!" he shouts at his players during the Oxon Hill game. Who says "lick of defense" anymore? That's worth the $5 price of admission alone.
Another time as he ends a searing lecture to Aaron Robinson over various malfeasances, Crowell asks him, "DO YOU HEAR ME?!?" Uh, Coach, everyone did. Every statement Crowell makes in the huddle ends with an exclamation point. He's so emphatic, Vladimir Putin could hear him in Sochi.
Then again, during the Northwest game, I saw Crowell do something different: He sat down next to Isaiah on the bench, put his arm around him and gently told him a thing or two. Heck, I've tried that - it doesn't work. Better to text him.
Ask The Slouch
Q. On a scale of 1 to 100, how unwatchable is the NFL scouting combine? (John Horn; Spokane, Wash.)
A. Frankly, I find the three-cone drill riveting. Also - and I know I'm showing my usual bias here - it's the MLS scouting combine that strikes me as monotonous and low-scoring.
Q. Bob Costas had pink eye. Keith Olbermann has shingles. Has The Slouch ever been knocked off the air by an ailment? (Bernard Atkins; Carmel, Ind.)
Q. Yeah. It's called NobodyWantsToHireMeItis.
Q. What's the difference between writing a column and writing a tweet? (David Crane; Albany, N.Y.)
A. About five hours and 5,000 characters.
Q. If poker were an official NCAA sport, would the "student-athletes" be suspended for keeping their winnings? (Jerry Kohn; Skokie, Ill.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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