(It's not a drug, but super-gluing certainly is a performance enhancer, no?)
The poker boom is more far-reaching than you might imagine. Among my darker theories of the human condition is this: Most people have a latent gambling gene. You may never have pulled a slot, watched a roulette wheel spin or doubled down on a soft 17, but if the opportunity arose, you would. Given the chance, I believe that Mother Teresa - bless her heart - would've played Wii Bingo.
Which brings us to the six religious figures in South Korea caught in a high-stakes poker game - there was nearly $900,000 in play - prompting these spiritual leaders from the nation's largest Buddhist order to resign. They were gambling, drinking and smoking, the holy trinity of no-no's in that world.
This unlikely development immediately raised two questions:
1. Where do men of the cloth get that type of scratch?
2. If you check-raise a Buddhist monk, can you expect a lifetime of bad karma?
They played a 13-hour cash game session that occurred after gathering in a luxury lakeside hotel late last month for a fellow monk's memorial service.
(I guess chasing inside straights helps the mourning process.)
This story also validates another one of my theories of life - the best poker games are either in train cars or hotel suites.
Ask The Slouch
Q. I see you've been married almost five years now. Does Toni realize that if she had been convicted of armed robbery on the day you were wed - instead of tying the knot - she would probably be a free woman today? (Patrick Allen; Wynantskill, N.Y.)
A. You've reminded me of another reason I never allow Toni to read my column.
Q. Will Washington Redskins season-ticket holders be suspended for all home games when Roger Goodell learns they had a bounty on Daniel Snyder? (Kevin O'Dell; Ballston Spa, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. Q. Is it possible for Redskins fans to be included as additional plaintiffs in the injury lawsuit against the NFL due to their postgame "head banging against the wall" ritual during Daniel Snyder's tenure? (J.B. Koch; Waukesha, Wis.)
A. Wow, a lot of Redskins-related legal inquiries this week.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!