Guilty of a domestic-violence beef - he had a physical confrontation with his ex-girlfriend - Floyd Mayweather Jr. is serving an 87-day sentence in Clark County (Nev.) Detention Center. Except that, after about 8.7 minutes in the slammer, the boxing champ decided he wanted out of the slammer. His lawyer petitioned to free him, and the judge said no.
So Mayweather remains incarcerated, confined to his cell 23 hours a day for his own safety. With so much time on his hands - plus the fact that he can't use those hands to hit anybody - Mayweather has started to write. He's a latter-day Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn!
Herewith, excerpts from a single day of Floyd Mayweather's prison journal:
6:08 a.m.: I'm a five-time world champion. Doesn't that rate a poached egg every morning?
6:45: Tattoo-wise, my cell block looks like the NBA All-Star Game.
7:23: They say, "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." That's the difference between me and Mike Tyson - he could do the time.
8:55: I need a bigger window with some sunlight. How can you shadowbox if you can't see your own shadow?
9:12: If I lose any more muscle tone, inside of a month I'll be Chris Bosh.
9:31: Hell, I've won three ESPY awards and they won't let me watch ESPN in the a.m.? I've got to have my "First Take."
10:19: Never thought I'd say this: I miss Arturo Gatti.
10:45: I volunteered for laundry detail, then I heard the Muzak they pipe into that stinkin' room. No sir.
11:27: "Shawshank Redemption," Schmawshank Redemption" - I want to get out of here, like, within a week.
12:02 p.m.: I'm undefeated in the ring, but I had a real bad judge in court.
12:03: Worst decision since my semifinal loss to that Bulgarian pretender in the '96 Olympics.
1:35: On the outside, I'm known as "Pretty Boy." I ain't no fool - on the inside, I just tell these folks I'm plain old "Floyd."
2:48: How much "good behavior" does it take to get out of here?
2:49: Besides, I'm alone all damn day - who even notices I'm on good behavior?
3:10: I'll never take two-ply bath tissue for granted ever again.
4:34: The next time the big boys up at the state capitol talk prison reform, I hope someone addresses the fact that the commissary here doesn't carry JuJu Fruits.
4:42: I wish I were married: I sure could use a conjugal visit.
5:34: I'm the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world, but two more weeks of this prison food and I might be down to the best ounce-for-ounce boxer in the world.
6:01: For sure, they used to serve better dinners on Braniff fights.