6:53: This is why I hate Hollywood: In every "Rocky," the white guy wins.
7:20: If I'm put under house arrest, I wouldn't mind if it's Will Smith's crib.
7:38: Someone just told me Bob Arum's never done a day in the joint. Now where's the justice there?
8:07: I will never let my Bally Total Fitness membership expire again.
8:25: More felons around here than a Clifford Etienne Thanksgiving dinner.
8:51: In the ring, you have to protect yourself at all times; in the pen, you have to protect yourself even more than that.
9:13: I'll fight Manny Pacquiao for free before I'll drink water from a tap.
9:36: Waiting to hear back from the warden on my request to finish my term at the MGM Grand.
9:59: People should chill about my two kids watching me push around my ex. Hell, folks usually got to pay $49.95 to see me fight.
10:05: The lilacs near the basketball court are a nice, unexpected touch.
10:38: Yeah, I know it's jail. I wasn't expecting the Four Seasons, but I wasn't expecting a Motel 6, either.
11:03: Man, it's lights out here before "Chelsea Lately." Need my Chelsea fix.
11:59: Best thing about solitary confinement? I'm by myself.
Ask The Slouch
Q. If Tony La Russa had been chairman of the Federal Aviation Administration in 1927, would he have told Charles Lindbergh to pull over at Greenland so he could be replaced by a backup pilot? (Bill Pollack; Niskayuna, N.Y.)
A. Even in retirement, Tony La Russa is the gift that keeps giving a buck-and-a-quarter to my wise-ass readers.
Q. When a golfer tests the wind by throwing grass in the air for a 190-yard shot and the wind for the duration of the ball's flight is different from the wind where it starts, are there similarities in this to any of your previous marriages? (John Pintar; Issaquah, Wash.)
A. Wow. It's like you were a fly on the wall in both of my failed domiciles.
Q. If global warming is true, shouldn't all these heat records being set be viewed with the same skepticism as records from MLB's steroid era? (Mark Hansen; Indianapolis)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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