"The thing is, every time I wake up, Apple's created some new gizmo it's rolling out to the tune of 14 million units sold. The early bird gets the worm, and this kid's up by 5 o'clock in the morning. [Note: Jamie is keeping his paper route.] He'll give us a jump on those Apple techno geeks."
"I know two things," Tea Party activist Keli Carender said. "Illegal aliens are here illegally, and taking back America starts with sure-handed youth raised by right-minded soccer Moms."
Ask The Slouch
Q. How many PBRs can you drink while Tiger Woods is lining up a three-foot putt just to miss it two inches to the right? (Charles Chichester Jr.; Clifton, Va.)
A. Nearly three-quarters of the PBRs I have in any given day are consumed waiting for Tiger Woods to putt; the other quarter are drank while watching a Bowflex infomercial.
Q. Are you fed up with the NFL's fill-in refs? (Mike Beeson; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Not at all. Actually, it's like when you have a substitute teacher - everyone just gets away with a little more stuff that day.
Q. If the Yankees and the Nationals both make it to the World Series, will it be billed as The House That Ruth Built versus The House That Boras Built? (Marty Chase; Chevy Chase, Md.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslo...@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!