April 30, 2012
Duuuude tackles Bruuuuce and others
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MORGANTOWN - The ridiculous facts I can recall are so random and obscure that they serve me absolutely no purpose.

To wit:

  • Lost in Space, the futuristic TV series from the 1960s, was set in 1997.
  • A goldfish has a memory of three seconds, which is now roughly half mine.
  • The 50 states are all listed on the back of the $5 bill. West Virginia is on the top row of the Lincoln Memorial, between Kansas and Nevada.
  • There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
  • When full - or even mostly full - Mountaineer Field (60,000) holds more people than any city in West Virginia (Charleston is at 51,400 according to the 2010 census).
  • And the average life of a bottle of shampoo in my shower is roughly 15 months, which says far more about my few remaining follicles than my cleanliness habits.
  • Still, believe it or not, there are things I do not know. Lots of them. For those trickier questions I have The Answer Dude, who is always open for business:

    Dear Dude,

    To quote The Coasters, why's everybody always pickin' on me? Bruce Irvin says he was never taught how to pass rush? Really?

    B. Kirelawich,

    Tucson, Ariz.

    Dear Bill,

    Well, for starters, you've got to admit some guilt, even if it wasn't entirely of your doing. Let's face it, that junk defense you guys relied on - and served you pretty well in the Big East - didn't exactly place a premium on rushing the passer, so it's not like Irvin left as a technically sound pass rusher after two years.

    On the other hand, to say he was never taught how to rush the passer - as Irvin has several times now - is a bit of a stretch. He didn't get all those sacks entirely on athletic ability alone. But if you're Bruce Irvin and you feel compelled to market yourself to NFL teams, that's a pretty good stance to take: "How good do you think I might be after you teach me the basics?''

    NFL teams don't use first-round picks on guys with great bodies who never have been taught anything. If they did, there would be a ton of scouts at Gold's Gym. Apparently you did enough with him that when Seattle took him at No. 15 there were a bunch of teams cursing their luck, including the four teams that drafted rush ends in the six picks immediately after Irvin.

    In other words, the guy who had never been taught anything would have been a first-rounder even if Seattle hadn't pulled the trigger. So you must have been pretty good for him.

    Dear Dud,

    Go ahead. Try to beat me now, suckers!

    G. Schiano,

    Tampa, Fla.

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